Real Love...

I have no idea why I have made this decision to poor my heart out on this blog, but at this very moment with tears in my eyes I realized that Nicey J needs a change. For the past couple of months I really haven’t been that happy, but instead I have been un-focused, irritated, angry, emotional, and [excuse my French] but shit just hasn’t been going right. Maybe it is the bad relationship I’m in again after promising myself no more, or it could possibly be the fact that I feel like something is missing in my life. I’m not sure what I am really missing, but I do know I haven’t been in love . Yes that’s right Nicey J has never been in love, but let me clarify that for those who may know me and say I’m lying. Nicey J has never been involved in a romantic relationship, in love, and being loved back. I think that’s what’s eating away at me, I want, no better yet, I need that equal give and take love more then anything right now. I spend my life watching others falling in and out of love and it makes me sick to my stomach. Some may say its jealousy, but it's not , it's more like when is it going to happen for me? I grew up watching that unconditional love; the love that allows you to fuss and fight one day but still love one another the next. I want that love that makes me feel safe and happy. I have never had that before and I have constantly tried to make that happen in the past. I loved this guy so much, that if he asked me right here and now to marry him, I would. The sad truth is I know he wont ask because his feelings aren’t the same for me. That very sentence cuts deeper then any titanium steel blade ever could. Now I don’t want people to read this and think that Miss Nicey_J needs a man to complete herself or make her happy. I have family and friend who put a smile on my face at least once a day but I am human and like every other living thing I need love to survive. I long for that partner love that makes you happy to just see a rainy day. Getting slightly off topic, I would like to send a special thanks to that wonderful lady, Miss Mary J Blige, because it was her song “Real Love” that mended my broken heart and assured me that I am not the first nor the last women to go thru this. My favorite line in that song is a verse that sounded like many prayers that I have prayed…… “So I try to pray to God he’ll send me someone real. To caress me and to guide me towards a love my heart can feel.” Thank you so much Mary it's amazing how a 3 minute song can make someone feel a hell of a lot better. (Smile) I am searching for my real love and I will find him, because there is no other option. Comment and tell me what you do when your feeling down.